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Bletch

Bletch in his office.

Bletch is the main antagonist in Meet the Feebles. He is a walrus who is the owner of The Feebles acting troupe, and the director/producer of The Fabulous Feebles Variety Hour. He is also Heidi's reluctant and disgusted significant lover.

He is voiced by Peter Vere-Jones.

AppearanceEdit

Bletch is a large, blue walrus. Being a walrus, he has large tusks and whiskers on his face, along with scruffy eyebrows. He has a large stature, and is one of the largest puppets in the film.

Most of his outfits in the film consist of formal attire, the exception being his golf clothes, which seem more casual than his other wardrobes. During his trip to the docks, he is seen wearing a black suit with a red tie. However, after getting this suit soaked in ambergris (from after he and Trevor killed Mr. Big), he changes into a black tuxedo with a golden shirt and a very small, black bowtie.

It should also be noted that because his tail makes up his entire lower-body, Bletch is only able to wear the top-half of his outfits.

PersonalityEdit

Bletch is a cold, greedy, and manipulative walrus. He also has mob connections, and a personal bodyguard named Barry. On the side, he also directs pornography on the side with his best friend, Trevor, a rat who is also his henchman.

When Bletch was young, he met Heidi in a southern jazz club and fell in love with her. However, now that Heidi has become older and fatter, he is no longer attracted to her at all, and would rather cheat on her with Samantha.

Role in the MovieEdit

Bletch was first shown having sex with his mistress, Samantha, in his office. All of a sudden, Heidi was heard knocking outside his door, which made him feel annoyed because she didn't know about his affair (and because he was just about to "pop his cookies"). After hiding Samantha in his safe, Bletch then let Heidi in (telling her that he was just busy doing some "paperwork"). Heidi told Bletch all about Trevor insulting her, and he calmed her down by saying that he'll give him a good talking to. Heidi then asked if she smelled perfume as Bletch suddenly noticed that Samantha's tail was sticking out of the safe's halfway open door. To hide this, Bletch turned Heidi to the door, told her that she's imagining things, and said that she should go rest up so she could get ready for the show tonight. Heidi then asks Bletch to come visit her later on (in which he says that he'll try) and blew him a kiss as she walked out the door. Bletch then gave a sigh of relief as Samantha came out of the safe. Samantha asked him when he's going to dump Heidi, and he tells her that he's working on it.

Bletch was then shown getting ready to go to a drug deal meeting at the golf course. Just as he was about to leave, he was stopped by a little fish named Guppy, who tells him that he's been waiting to see him all day because he wanted to audition for him. Bletch pretended to be interested and, using a desk lamp, shined a small spotlight on him. Before singing, Guppy notes that the song is called "Glad to be a Guppy" and that it's one of his own compositions. Bletch, however, doesn't enjoy the song as he is heard groaning through the first few verses. Guppy asked Bletch if something was the matter, and the big walrus told him that he thinks he has a cavity in a rear molar. He then asks if he could take a look inside his mouth and, of course, the little fish was happy to help. As Guppy looked way back into Bletch's mouth, the poor fish suddenly got eaten by the mean walrus, who said, "That went down a treat all right," and laughed evilly.

Bletch then went out back out into the alleyway and jumped into his limo, driven by his bodyguard, Barry. He asks Barry when they're due on the course, and the muscular bulldog told him that it's all arranged at 1:00 sharp. Bletch then asked Barry how his "handicap" was, and he replied by saying, "She's at home. Baking a cake, boss." They both laughed and went on their way to the golf course.

At the course, they both met up with their partners in the drug-running business, Cedric and his agent, Louie. While talking about the next shipment of drugs, they also had a quick game of golf. It was also shown that they hid their money and drugs in their golf bags (possibly so no one would notice). After Barry gave a quick inspection of Cedric's supply, Bletch asked when to expect the delivery. Cedric told them to meet Louie in the alleyway of the theater at 6:00, and they all went back to their game of golf. When it was Bletch's turn, Cedric tried to distract him by pretending to cough and sneeze. Of course, this causes him to miss the hole as Cedric appologizes as if he didn't do it on purpose. In return, when it was Cedric's turn, Bletch distracted him by throwing up behind his back. This made Cedric hit the ball so hard it landed in a sandpit. Bletch then apologized by saying he had a bone stuck in his throat (as the poor, almost-digested Guppy sat in the remains of his vomit, asking if he passed the audition before he died).

When Bletch came back to the theater, Trevor showed him the final results of the new porn film that he's been making with him on the side. The film stars Dennis, a perverted aardvark who performs "nasal sex," and Madame Bovine, a heavily-pierced cow (whose real name is Daisy) who's a usual actress in their porn films. While watching the film, Bletch asked Trevor if people are interested in nasal sex, and the rat told his boss that it's the latest fad. Trevor also suggested that the title of the movie should be "Dennis Does Daisy", but Bletch thinks that it sounds lousy. Just then, Trevor instead had the idea of calling the movie, "Anal Antincs" (just after watching the scene of Dennis sticking his nose up Madame Bovine's butt). Bletch approved of that idea because it's got a certain ring to it and it'll appeal to the intellectuals. After thinking that the film might win them the "Hooker Pize," Bletch then states that he's worried about Madame Bovine because they've lost money on her last two pictures (and that he thinks the public are tired of "big udders"). This gave Trevor the idea to have Lucille, one of the chours-girls, be her replacement when asked by his boss to find an actress who's "young and petite."

Sebastian, the stage director of the show, later barged into Bletch's office to tell him that the show is in the shambles (since some misfortunes happened to some of the acts during practice) and that they have no further alternative but to reinstate his own song. Due to the subject of Sebastian's said song, Bletch had rejected it for obvious reasons (saying, "This is a family show for Christ's sake!"). However, that doesn't stop the persistent fox from trying to change his mind, as he jumped onto his desk and gave a small preview of the opportunity he's missing out on. Having enough of his compositions, Bletch grabbed Sebastian by the tail, told him to get back to work, and threw him out of his office. As Sebastian was walking back to the stage, he muttered that it's his loss (as Bletch calls him a faggot in return).

After Heidi was berated for overeating by Sebastian, she ran crying to Bletch's office again. When she entered, she was shocked to see Samantha giving him a blowjob; finding out about her lover's affair. This causes Heidi to run to her dressing room and trash it in rage, drowning in her sorrow.

Later that night, Louie showed up in the alleyway of the theater, with the drugs in a suitcase, and got escorted to Bletch's office by both Barry and Trevor. To see if the stuff was, as Louie puts it, "100% pure," Bletch had Barry do him a line of it on a picture of Heidi. Just after Barry made the line, Dennis unexpectedly walked into the office to give Bletch some contracts to sign. Bletch then got the idea to test the drugs on Dennis, as he offered it as a little treat for him. The aardvark happily thanks him for his generous offer, and sniffed it up with his long nose. After sniffing it all up, Dennis suddenly started to wheeze uncontrollably as his nose began to liquidate, causing him to die. After that horrendous sight, Bletch took a closer look at the drugs, only to find out that it was really borax the whole time! Louie tried to tell him that he didn't about this, but the walrus had Barry grab him in a chokehold while Trevor interrogated him by asking where the real merchandise was. Louie finally fessed up by saying that the supply is down on the docks, and that Mr. Big, Bletch's drug competitor, is shipping them out tonight by ship. Barry then lets go of Louie as Bletch asks what they should do with the borax. He then looked at Louie, thinking that he seemed a bit congested, and said that maybe his passages needed some "cleaning out." Trevor then grabbed the scruffey dog by the mouth, and opened it wide as Barry force fed the borax down his throat. After watching poor Louie liquidate to death into a puddle, Bletch pressed a button on his desk that revealed a secret stash of weapons behind a wall; followed by him saying, "I think it's time we paid our Mr. Big a visit."

Just as Bletch and his men were about to leave, they were suddenly stopped by Sebastian, who informed Bletch that the show will have to be cancelled since Heidi has refused to perform. Bletch knew exactly why this has happened, and told Barry and Trevor to give him five minutes. He then went over to Heidi's dressing room, knocked on the door, and entered to find a heart-broken Heidi crying on her bed. To get Heidi to perform, Bletch told the sobbing hippo that he wants to make love to her, which makes her very happy indeed. While they were making love offscreen, everyone in the cast and crew were shown listening, anxiously, to what has happening from outside the dressing room door while Barry and Trevor were waiting for their boss in the limo. After a little while, Bletch finally comes out of the room (re-buttoning his jacket) and called for somebody to call the network because the show will go on. Everyone then cheered for joy as Bletch goes out back to his limo.

Bletch and his men then drove out to the docks, where they had a big fight with Cedric and his henchmen crabs. After killing off Cedric and the crabs, Bletch found the real supply of drugs in one of the boxes they were shipping, and told Barry and Trevor to help load them up. However, when they were finished putting the boxes in the trunk of the limo, a giant spider, who was loading the stuff onto the ship, saw what they were doing and came down to stop them. Bletch and Trevor quickly got into in the limo, but they unfortunately left Barry outside to get his head eaten off by the spider. Trevor then tried to start the engine, but the spider walked on over to the limo, and perched itself on top of the roof. As the limo began moving, the spider still stayed on top of it, and tried to grab Bletch (who claimed that he hates arachnids) through the open window. Fortunately, Trevor was able to the drive right under a crane that was lowering some crates, which knocked the spider off the limo; possibly killing it. Just as the duo were about to drive on back to the theater, they are suddenly stopped by Mr. Big, himself, who emerged from the bridge the leads to the docks. Bletch told Mr. Big that he's taking back what's his, but the huge, monstrous whale replied by telling the walrus that he's out of his own league. Bletch then ordered Trevor to take him out, and the rat does so by driving the limo right through the whale's big mouth; going through the inside of his body, and exiting it by plowing right through his rear end (which probably killed him). Trevor then, finally, drove back to the theater, as Bletch stated that he'll have to change his suit (since he was now covered in ambergris).

Just as Bletch and Trevor pulled up in front of the theater, they suddenly overheard a mouse, who was selling newspapers out front, announcing to everyone about the latest article. After hearing that the article was about "a famous Feeble who fights a sex disease," Trevor drove past the mouse while Bletch bought a paper from him. Bletch then unfolded the paper, only to shockingly find Harry, the MC of the show, on the front cover, stating that he has a sexually-transmitted disease known as, "the Big One" (which was something that both he and Trevor were never aware of). Knowing that a bad review on one of the cast members could ruin him, he ordered Trevor to go find whoever wrote the article so they could take care of him.

Bletch then went inside, changed into his tuxedo, and went up to a balcony to watch the first half of show with Arthur, the backstage manager. While watching the theme song, he told Arthur that this was a historic moment because, tonight, The Feebles will rocket to super stardom. The old worm agreed by telling him that it's an honor to be a part of it. Bletch then offered Arthur one of his cigars, as the worm happily smoked it, and thanked him for being both a scholar and a gent. During Heidi's performance of The Garden of Love, Sebastian came up to the balcony to tell Bletch that the show is going fabulously because the network had confirmed a syndicated series and the critics are adoring it. Feeling impressed at the thought of a syndicated series, Bletch congratulated Sebastian for his hard work, and then went backstage to get back to matter of taking care of whoever wrote the article about Harry.

Just as Bletch had thought, the person who wrote that negative article about Harry was F. W. Fly, a muckraking, journalist fly who's always trying to make up lies about the cast. To put the plan into action, Trevor lured Fly into the bathroom by asking everyone who made "the great, big, stinky poo that's blocking up the toilet." Being what he is, Fly was overjoyed to hear this, and quickly flew right over to the bathroom so he could enjoy a great meal. As soon as the small insect flew in through the bathroom's doorway, Bletch suddenly grabbed him and scolded him for telling stories again. The frightened Fly told the walrus that he could complain to the editor, but he told him that it won't be necessary. He then ripped Fly's wings off, and flushed him down the toilet; saying to Trevor, "Now that's what I call an impartial journalist." Both of them then laughed as they exited the bathroom.

Bletch then went back to his office to make himself some champagne. After pouring a glass, he unexpectedly met Heidi, who was trying to seduce him. Bletch slaps her away by saying that revolting Heidi look and insults her by calling her fat and she smelled bad because she disgust him. He was gonna wait after the show and tells her that she is through with The Feebles. Bletch tells her that Samantha is the star now. He then chucks her dress at her, tells her to get out, and slams the door behind her.

Bletch later shows visible disgust when Harry vomits and when Wynyard dies. However, he shows the most reaction when Sebastian decides to perform his number, "Sodomy." After the fox's solo ends, Bletch orders Trevor to kill Sebastian. However, seconds later, Heidi swings in with Bletch's M60, gunning down several people. After a few minutes of her rampage, Bletch catches her attention, prompting her to shoot him until he falls from the balcony and onto the floor. Unable to get up, he tells Heidi that he still loves her, prompting her to stop her attack. However, she is then shot in the back by Trevor. Bletch then orders the rat to kill Heidi, revealing that he lied about still loving her. However, just before Trevor can kill Heidi, Robert swoops down on a rope and knocks him over, giving Heidi the chance to shoot Trevor until his body is mangled beyond recognition. Bletch tries to ambush Heidi from behind, but she sticks the gun in his mouth, and he utters his last words ("Oh, shit!") before his brains are blown out. He then falls over on his back, dead. This causes Heidi to see the error of her ways. She then sings "Garden Of Love" as the police come.

GalleryEdit

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